I am a bit scared about my physical health at the moment......
Probably by now all of u know my mental conditions as I have nothing to hide, I do have some physical conditions too. one of them is the Hashimoto Syndrom, which holds a bigger risk for miscarriage.....and then i have also PCOS which holds the same risk but more........My doctor diagnosed it a year ago and she told me too take Dietary supplements, they would cost 40 euro a month so I was never able to take them and that's why I wasn't there for a second time in november....I always worry about me never being able to have a child and considering that I have this conditions my concern is sadly appropriate.
Anyway at the moment I am having biiiiiig trouble with the PCOS.......can't go to the doctor for we don't have the money for it + it wouldn't do anything for I can't afford the supplements and I am scared that it got worse.........I remember how scared I was when I first was there, I feared she would tell me something like that......Umm well im alone with this as well as with my other problems.......And I just also learned that there is a higher risk for cancer, diabetes etc...and one of the most important things is to lose weight.......I am obese and for some reason since a few years I even gain weight when I eat healthy or not much...Could also be my meds too..........But well often I don't look at what I eat......I am just upset for I have an eating disorder and when I try to lose weight and see that it doesn't work good I tend to give up...Back then when I lost 40kg I wasn't doing it very healthy.........so to speak...well bulemia says it all....and I am a person that wants too much I guess I set too high goals for myself always did that when I was in school........Always wanted to be a good student, I am a perfectionist sadly.......And the same goes for losing weight....for example if i would lose 10 kilos in 6 months I would freak ............In my eyes i have to lose 10kg at least in a month!.....shitty thing all this and I do wonder why I must have these conditions on top of my mental ones.
Yes i know many many otehrs have it worse I know that and i do care about that! But it is hwo it is for me the things I have to deal with are exhausting me, saddening me, scaring me........https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome