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Mittwoch, 25. März 2015

Many many many bad words :)

FUCK FUCK FUCK I go fucking crazy with this piece of shit that my laptop and this damn internet is!! I am so damn angry I really screamed at my laptop, I just talked to my grampa and I wont get the new laptop in the next few months at least....I am freaking in this second, cos I have to be very lucky and I am certainly not, if this laptop works one more week. I am just pissed cos that happens when u are dependant to anyone, they fucking let u fall ALWAYS! And NOOOOOOO it's not about that fucking laptop or money, I mean that in general.....good okay I admit maybe this gets to me so much as I cried my eyes out again, this is shit, the whole situation I am in is shit and I ask myself who am I kidding,
Whom do I want to convince that I am fucking ok? Others? Or myself?.....:/
I am just one stupid piece of shit.
I am just stupid, really that's not my selfhatred that's a fact!
I am so sick of this all.
YEARS of fake ppl, fake friends, fake family, emotional abuse, lies, cheating....Still I am trying it again and again I give everyone a chance and believe that some ppl really care for me.
What a stupid cunt I am. I am just stupid, I deserve all this, I deserve to be treated like shit, it's my own fault cos I just don't understand it obviously. If it would be possible I swear I would beat myself. Just a few minutes ago what did I do? Trying to sleep but couldn't of course. and then listened to music, lovesongs + sad, and had the urge to look at the things I have left from my true love, no that's not all I even put that damn Engagment necklace around my neck.....I just don't get how one person can be so retarded and I mean myself!
No wonder everyone does with me what  they want its so easy! No wonder I 'even have a job with 24, ppl say I am intelligent?
Oh yeah totally agree *sarcasm*.....................

PS: Sorry for the insults, but I guess u guyz wont be mad at me, its not like I would insult someone else ;)