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Dienstag, 9. Februar 2016

Two Men = One too much

Who would have ever thought that this could happen to me?
Well I didn't even think that there was a tiny little chance for me to ever get into such a situation, but now I am here.
Standing between two men, not knowing what to do.
Insecure about my feelings.
One man is the one I loved more than my life (I don't even know if I should say loveD or love)
That man was my first true love, my first man in so many ways.
I loved him for such a long time and I still have feelings for him, I just don't know what kind of.
Do I still love him? Or is it just the memories I have with him? Do I love him still or do I love how we used to be?
One man is the one I met just a week ago online, and met in real life just yesterday.....
That man is really nice and I like talking with him, He makes me laugh.
He is the one who made me "forget" about the other one for a whole day, which didn't happen since I met the other 3 years ago.
What exactly do I feel for him? I don't know, now that I know how it feels when I truly love someone, I have to admit I don't love him that way, not yet.....
But saying I don't care for him would be a lie. Saying he is just a friend would be a lie.
And I don't wanna lie to anyone and I don't wanna ever lie again to myself.
What shall I do? I don't know.
The man I was with for 3 years is obviously not loving me anymore, if he ever did......
We went through so much together, so many bad times, yet so many good times and not to forget about the times it was perfect.
I felt safe in his arms, I felt like finally having someone to trust, someone to fight for me and with me for a good future.
We were engaged, our wedding should have been in November last year.....
So it is probably too soon to fall in love again.
Especially because neither of us ended it yet.....
He was just no longer responding to Messages and Calls, he does comment under some pictures online even using a nickname for me just a few days ago, which made me smile.
So the question of the questions is: What if HE, the one I fell in love with 3 years ago, would call me or write me that he still loves me, that he wants to be with me? Would I let the other man down and go back to him or would I tell him I found someone new?
I always thought such a question is easy to answer....well it is not!
Standing between two men, not knowing what to feel, not knowing whom to trust and believe........
I was betrayed by my first man and even if I would fall for the second one, how could I ever trust in Love again?............