Well first and foremost Hello to everyone who will read this.
I didn't write since a long time even though there is so much going on in my mind all the time that I could possibly easily fill pages every day.
However my mood is really kinda knocking me out at the moment but just now i had the urge to write a short post.
Yeah at 4:23 am........some might think that is weird or that I have to work or whatever.
Well let me explain (but it is weird too)
I had troubles with my sleep since I was a child.
It just gets more and more frustrating, exhausting.
It happens often especially since a few years.
I had some fine months where I was able to sleep during the night for about 7-8 hours, it was when I was happy and calm and motivated because of my relationship.
Now I am having troubles again.
So because I can't sleep I play games online or watch some stuff on Youtube.........
When I get really tired I try to sleep but it doesn't work.
So I take meds to do so.
The meds I take then are the ones my shrink gave me so I am not buying sleeping pills or such, actually because my mum doesn't allow me to do that as she says you can easily become an addict.
Anyways, I have to take certain meds on a daily basis including Pills that shall help me fall asleep and are against depression and anxiety.
I have to take 100 mg every day before I go to bed, but sadly lately it doesn't help.
Not only because I become used to it I take them since a few years) but also because my mental health seems to get worse especially now that I am having a very rough time.
So what I did a few times lately is taking another 150 mg at 2am, then I fall asleep like 20 minutes later, it totally calms me, my mind stops racing, it is a very nice feeling, the pain is gone for a while.
Did that last night and slept 12 hours during the day.
So here I am now again, not able to sleep even though I am tired.
Then just before a songtext came to my mind and I had to write it down......along with it I wrote 3 short poems, afterwards I was very exhausted and that is a new feeling, as whenever I used to write anything it didn't exhaust me, this time it did............Well I hope no one of you has those problems, wish you all a good night or a good day wherever you are.