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Donnerstag, 23. Januar 2014

Giving everything, but being nothing?

Giving everything for others, going through everything for them and with them.
Support and encourage them as good as you can and what do I get?
What did I ever get for being there for ppl? Nothing! It's not that when u help others u should expect something in return because then it would be just a selfish thing.
But being always the one who ends up hurting and lonely?
Is that fair? Life isn't fair, I definitely know that........But being always the ass for everyone?
Being called selfish etc.?
That's just crap and I am soooooooo tired of it.
It feels like I have no energy left, no strength.
I just have to accept the fact that in the end it's just me, without any kind of support or love.
It's sad and scary but I just don't wanna betray myself any longer with thinking someone could ever notice and appreciate what I do. It's irony though...my life due to my mental health was always dependant to someone, whether I wanted it or not..I  always just wanted to be truly loved and accepted for who I am....and in the end I am the one always fighting, I am the one always loving and supporting.....I know it's just me in this world, I have no one...And even though I know this, it's so damn hard to accept and move on......especially now that I have no idea where to get new strength from..I am tired of this life only full of struggles and pain.
I do know there are ppl who have way more to deal with but u know what?
I just don't wanna hear it.
I am a caring, helping, person but why the hell no one cares for me?
What the hell did I do to deserve constantly being treated like shit by ppl I love and whom I want to love me as well?
Well everyone thinks they can treat me they way they want, but now that's over.
I just can't do it any longer.
I do know now I gotta fight on my own and for myself only.
I do have my limits and believe me I went further than them but one day it's just well there is no way further.
It's the end, the end of my strength.
I experienced nothing but pain in this world and in the end when I thought I finally found someone it again hurt me but this time it, well, simply broke me......Maybe some ppl will say this sounds like I am a martyr or something well guess what? I don't give a damn, this is my heart speaking you know? Every person has limits and mine have been reached years ago.....